I was so glad to hear that Sie Yan, Naomi and Jennie had chosen the subject of friendship for the women’s day tomorrow. I’m slightly jealous as it sounds like they have a great day planned. I’ve been thinking recently about the essentialness of deep and committed friendships in my own life and wanted to write to you all to provoke us to think about being more intentional in this regard.
I think many of us, particularly blokes, give too little attention to friendship. It’s one of those things that we all support in theory, but gets squeezed out by the busyness of work, church activities, family responsibilities and the like. I’ve spoken to a surprising number of people who have neglected friendships whilst living in London or feel that very few others know how they’re really doing.
Sometimes it’s a problem of prioritisation. We see committed friendships as an optional extra and fail to give them the time they require. We neglect them at our peril! Earlier this year, the psychologist Adrian Dunbar came out with a fascinating book, ‘Friends: Understanding the Power of our Most Important Relationships’. In it, he details some intriguing benefits of friendship (you can read some of the key insights here). One study he cited suggested that friendship is more significant for our health than how much we exercise or what we eat!
As Christians, we have good reason to take friendship seriously. We are the people who know the privilege of being friends with God. That Christ would bestow this title upon us is quite astounding when you think about it. More than that, we know we’re relational beings. Right back in Eden, God says it’s not good for man to be alone (even though Adam is with God). We are fundamentally relational beings and part of our humanity is lost when we live isolated and individualistic lives.
At the beginning of lockdown, we encouraged everyone in the church to be part of a triplet. You identified two other people of the same sex and committed to meeting them on a weekly or bi-weekly basis (consistent and regular contact is another important element of a good friendship). Once you met, you could choose to read and discuss a Christian book together, or ask yourselves some challenging questions (e.g. how’s your walk with God, personal habits, struggles etc.). Taking time to honestly share how you're doing and pray for each other is essential. I had lots of encouraging feedback. Personally, I really benefited from carving out time to prioritise specific friendships.
Someone recently asked me if we’d stopped these. The answer is very much no! We’re not formally organising these (organic is better). But, I’d encourage everyone to find and form a triplet (or find one other person) and commit to meeting on a regular basis. This is a good habit for life! It’s probably best to ask people you already know. If you’re not sure who, you could always speak to your life group leader and they might be able to suggest some folk in your group. Failing that, get in touch, and I’ll see who I could connect you with!